Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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