No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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