i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
My vagina is officially offended.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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