So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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