I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize