in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
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