Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
