When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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