Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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