thus making me awesome and them whores
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
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