So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
