do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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