I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Randomize
