I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
