Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
