I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
The power of my boobs compel you
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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