He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
