I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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