Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
