never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
