Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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