Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
