my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
