you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
