We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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