I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
should my penis look like a turkey
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
