Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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