just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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