There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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