you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
