I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize