just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
