I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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