yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
