Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
