And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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