somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
