i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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