we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
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