KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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