can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
