he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Randomize
