i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Operation Purity has been aborted
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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