you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Randomize
