And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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