Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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