He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Randomize
