Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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