made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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