8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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