Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
