What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
