thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
