I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Randomize
