yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
