I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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