I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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