i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
