I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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