mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize