You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize