we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
