jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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