I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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