I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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