I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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