DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
