I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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