who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
